Airport security: What would you like to do today?

Random, inconsistent rules make air security seem pointless and arbitrary to even the most patient traveler.

My disdain for the Patriot Act notwithstanding, I consider myself fairly conservative when it comes to issues of national security. It’s not so much that I buy into the post-9/11 fear mongering, but I really don’t mind if I need to be x-rayed, metal detected, frisked, swabbed, or otherwise accosted under the guise of “national security” when I travel by air.

But the fruitlessness of being a sheep was revealed to me while traveling through London’s Heathrow airport last week. Both the United States and United Kingdom have banned liquids on aircraft for slightly over a year now, in response to “general threats”. But it’s beginning to feel rather arbitrary to me. In October, I traveled through Heathrow security with a nearly-full bottle of Dr. Pepper, and it was okay. No one glanced at the young white female in need of a sugar rush. But last week, I had to take one last guzzle of my Dasani water before surrendering it over to authorities, who then assured me that, “don’t worry, starting tomorrow you can carry liquids again.”

Huh?

I know that rules are relaxed and tightened at a moment’s notice, but this doesn’t make my compliance go down any easier. Today? No. Tomorrow? Sure thing. There was no explanation about what made that day any different than the next day, or than that day in October (although the announcements in the Heathrow restroom were quick to remind me that we were on “Code Orange Alert”).

All of this liquidized waffling comes amidst the Bush administration’s relaxation of air travel rules for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays (prime time for terrorist strikes if you ask me). According to his policy, military no-fly zones will be opened up to commercial air traffic during peak travel times.

Not that anyone thought it would work - airports still only operate one or two runaways at a time and still must funnel large numbers of people through overloaded security checkpoints - but nonetheless, why not publicize it a little more? Terrorize us now, for today is the day that I can carry water in military airspaces!

I liked this whole thing a lot more when I didn’t know any better.